Erik

No Turning Back Now

 

My name is Mo Demarcus Carrol, but most people just call me Mo. I have always been the shy quiet kid who isn’t daring or cool. Many of my friends call me a baby or a wussy because I don’t do the “fun” stuff like smoke weed, steal from the store, drink, steal people’s phones on mopeds in the middle of London or any of the other adrenaline rushing things that my friends do.

 

“You are only 13 soon 14 you and your friends shouldn’t do any of this at this age, or at all. Don’t follow you brothers’ foot-steps.”

 

This is the only thing she says when she sees kids my age on the news for doing something bad or illegal. I have never been amazing at school I only get 3s or 4s nothing more nothing less. The teachers try make excuses for me at the parent teacher meeting saying that I get easily distracted or start daydreaming too much. But I think or … I know that it is just because I can’t be bothered, I don’t put the work in, I don’t study I don’t listen I don’t do anything to improve or learn at all. All I do when I get home is play video games, mostly GTA on my brothers old PS3. I know, I know

 

“A PS3 when the PS4 has been out for like 6 years?!”

 

Yes. I am poor, my mom works 3 jobs all at fast food restaurants. That is where we get most of our dinners from, the fast-food places. The only good thing about this is that it is good and that I have tried the whole menu so that if people ask what is good, I always have an answer. Even though I only eat fast food I’m still super skinny. I’m the skinniest in the class or no, more like year.

 

“Ayo Mo, watchu sayin” says James while coming up to me in break with his black Nike tracksuit, and his dirty Air Force 1s on.

 

“What do you want James” I say while taking a bite of my nut Quakers bar.

 

“I was just tryna be friendly bro, no need to be rude and dat” he says while sitting next to me on the bench. This is the bench I sit on every break. I can see everyone and everything that’s going on, it faces the whole playground where you can see all the girls watching TikTok trying to hide their phone, some on Snapchat and some gossiping and laughing. All the boys planning what to do today, play fighting, on Instagram, Snapchat, or laughing telling Waco their jokes while talking.

 

“Yeah, sorry James, just kind of tired today”

 

“All good all good. I came to ask if you wanted to come and trash a store with me, you know take some bats break things you take some goods from the store and I take the money from the cashier.” I freeze, my palms start sweating and I can feel that I’m getting light. I clench my fists together to seem as if I am calm, I take a big gulp of air and as I’m breathing out I say…

 

“Ok, I’m in.” James looks at me straight in the eye for a good 5 seconds and jumps of the bench.

 

“Ayo Mo you surprise me sometimes you know; I’ll send you the info on snap. Don’t ditch me.” He walks off and I let all the air out of my lungs I was holding in. I go to take a bite of my bare to realize that it was on the ground. I must have dropped it. I don’t really know why I get so nervous when someone asks me to do something, it’s probably that I don’t want to make the same mistake as my brother and disappoint my mom.

 

The school bell rings and finally I can go home, then I remember that this day hasn’t ended yet, I agreed to something that I can't ditch. James is the type of guy who acts like he is nice to everyone but has a dark side, and if you come on that dark side, you won't come back to the light one.  Like mine his older brother has been in a gang for a long time, he was invited to the gang when he was 10 years old and has been there ever since, he has been in a gang the longest he first started with selling cigarettes to teenagers like us gaining money for his brother. He has a lot of contacts and is dangerous. If James asks you to do something you do it, it’s as simple as that.

 

I unlock the door and see my mom in the kitchen, I can smell the dinner she is cooking for today, smells like chicken with vegetables. I put my keys in the bowl where my brothers' picture is standing. We don’t have that many pictures of him because he usually came home bleeding and with a few new bruises then when he left. He promised my mom he would stop but never did, he told me “Once you're in you won't get out” whatever that means. He had tattoos all over his body, a skull on his right sleeve, 12 small tally marks over under his right eye over his cheek bone from people he had killed. You could see that he had gotten stiches all over his arms, he had stab wounds all over his stomach from previous gang activity. He was one of the leaders he had done things my mom and I couldn’t describe, breaking bones with a bat, killing, stabbing, busting kneecaps you name it he had done it. But eventually it got him killed.

 

21-Year-old dead on London streets after getting shot 11 times in the chest

Supposedly two gangs in London had met and it had gotten heated. Police can not release any information on the victims or the man in his early twenties who got shot. It is said that the dead man had been involved in illegal activities for a long time and is known to the police. The police found a gun on the victim revealing that this man was probably in a gang.

 

I remember reading that in the news when I got home to my mom crying, I never really saw him that often after school. He was usually out until way after I had gone to bed. I miss him a lot. Even though he came home late, we shared a room and I would always be awake until he came home. We had the most amazing talks; he would always tell me stories about everything he had experienced. I miss him so much.

 

I walk out the back door when my mom is asleep to meet James, I’m usually not supposed to be out this late but I had made a promise. I unlock my phone feeling like I could vomit all my intestines out, I had never done anything like this before. Out this late not even knowing what I’m meeting up to, this is something you see in movies but no it was happening to me. I always think of the worst thing that can happen. What if I get in trouble? What if I get seriously injured, what if I die?

 

I turn around the corner seeing James leaning on his scooter looking at his phone with his black motor cross helmet on. On the back seat there was another helmet. Not as cool but good enough. “Hey James” I said softly whilst walking up to him.

 

“Yo Mo how you doing?” He turns off his phone and puts it in his gray nike track suit pocket while handing me the helmet.

 

“All good, never been out this late in the middle of London before” I clack the helmet in and tighten it getting ready for the worst.

 

“Hey don’t be worried there is a first time for everything” He grasp something from behind his scooter which I don’t see.

 

“Yeah I guess” I said nervous, waiting for what is about to happen next. He pulls out a back pack. Two handles stock out from the back pack, James opens the bag and hands me a metal bat, it seemed at it had been used before the leather strap on it had started falling off same with the paint on it. The bat itself had bumps and bulks all over it indicating that it had been hit hard against something before. I wonder what history it has, the big question is ha sit hurt someone before? I feel dizzy worried about what’s about to happen. This is all sketchy.

 

He hands me nike gloves and a black ski mask to hide my face, something serious was about to go down and I doesn’t like the feeling I was getting.

 

“We are going to rob a petrol station, it’s an easy way to earn bank” James said while turning on the scooter. The loud noise made my head hurt, I was already feeling dizzy I was shaking not ready for what is happening. I never imagined something like this, not something this serious.

 

 

 

We walk into the petrol station the scooter was parked right outside for easy access. We waited until there was no one inside except fo type cashier. Masks were on, bats in our hand the amount of adrenaline I was getting was tremendous, I had never felt something like this. “Give me all the cash in this damn machine!” James shouts and hits the cooler. The lady in the cashier screams and gets straight to work. I stand there frozen not knowing what to do.

 

“HURRY UP LADY” I shout not knowing what I just said I look around. I was shaking

 

“HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO TAKE” James shouts. Wailing I hear wailing. I open the glass door to see if I was just imagining. But no there was wailing, I see the blue lights coming closer and closer. They are still in the city but close, 2 minutes max.

 

“James we have to go, WE HAVE TO GO NOW” I run back to the door to check if they are far away. They are right here. “RUN JAMES” James closes his bag and runs out while I hid the door. The police park the car and 2 cops run out with pistols in their hands. I look at James, he has run. Guns pointed at me, I’m frozen not able to move. I panic start swinging my bat to try getting the cops away.

 

“KID PUT THE BAT DOWN WE WILL SHOOT” the cops standing behind the car doors for protection. I can’t hear them all I hear is wailing, blinded by the blue lights I keep swinging hoping that everything will go away, that this is all just a dream.

 

All sound is gone, all I feel is an intense pain in my chest. Everything is blurry, I’m on laying on the ground, all sound is gone no wailing or shouting it’s all quiet. It’s peaceful. . I start feeling tired and my eyes slowly close. I’m excited to go home to my bed, ready to wake up from this dream.